What do you do when you feel like you need support but don't fit in a specific "box" even when it’s a box no one wants to fit into...... infertility.......
Well I found myself in that situation earlier this year. On Facebook there are countless fertility support groups, and even dozens of specific support groups for the various paths to parenthood. But the common theme was pain and loss.... recurrent pain from the loss of pregnancies.... unexpected loss of reproductive organs, or maybe even no diagnoses at all after years of trying to conceive. All of which I couldn't specifically relate to. For all of my adulthood I knew surrogacy would lead me to parenthood. I got to bypass all of the pain and suffering that most have to go through to figure that out.
Ok maybe I didn't bypass it... yeah I certainly didn’t bypass ALL of it, there was definitely pain and suffering and grief, loads and loads of grief, but I was able to get a grasp on my grief when I was younger...before the baby craze took hold of my life. Some days I am grateful of this, and others I'm angry, angry that I didn't have the opportunity to be "blissfully unaware" of my infertility while I planned and dreamed of what it would be like to be pregnant, buy maternity clothes, pee on a stick and wait to see if two lines appear…
Sure I belonged to a few MRKH Facebook support groups, but announcing, talking about and celebrating pregnancies, babies, etc in the existing MRKH pages is not really appropriate. Sometimes it’s brought up, but generally it’s avoided. And rightfully so, since many of the girls are newly diagnosed, and are still very much in the grieving process, nowhere near being ready to start the long journey to parenthood required for us Warriors. So I felt I couldn’t post in those groups, and in the infertility support groups no one ever knew what MRKH was so I found myself explaining constantly…..which brought back the feelings of diagnoses all too often.
I found myself talking about certain things in certain groups but felt I truly couldn’t be myself in any of them. So after struggling to "fit in" I decided to create a Facebook Support group specifically for women with MRKH that have already, or are in the process of, becoming Mothers. The women pictured below didn't let having MRKH stop them from achieving their dream.
They all took different paths to parenthood, some adopted infants, some adopted internationally, some are foster moms, some chose surrogacy, others are step parents.
All are MOTHERS, and I look at them as inspiration daily.
While I am just starting out on my journey to motherhood the group includes MRKH Warriors in all stages of their journey, currently we have 94 members. Ranging from a newly diagnosed teen just trying to see what her options are so she can plan, to women like me in the middle of the process, others are newly exhausted mothers, and we even have a grandma or two. All these women, though we have the same diagnoses, chose the path that was right for them, and all are extremely supportive of all the available parenting options and feel they are all equal and beautiful. I learn something new from them every single day and my hope is that I can help others do the same.
Yes, I still belong to the other infertility and surrogacy support groups, but the Mothers with MRKH Group is the one I find myself most comfortable in and the most involved with.
Below are a few quotes from members:
Interested in joining the Mothers with MRKH Facebook group? Message me on Facebook and I’ll add you!
It’s a secret group just for woman diagnosed with MRKH that are in the process or have already found an alternative method to achieve motherhood, so make sure you're ok with seeing pregnant bellies, newborns, and all things motherhood before requesting :-)
Its secret which means no one will even know you’re in the group or what you post. And we take that confidentiality seriously, so no worries about sharing any news, good or bad, or posting any questions embarrassing or otherwise.
Bram's Birth Story
Ways to Save Money
Things not to say to IPs
Tips for newly diagnosed
Mothers with MRKH
Our Gender Reveal
2000- Chrissy dx w/ MRKH
2002- Chrissy & Lee meet
2007- Chrissy & Lee Marry
2009- Chrissy 'hysterectomy'
2013- Awarded Cade Grant
7/3/14- IVF egg retrieval (5)
1/18/15- Embryo Transfer (1)
9/29/15 - Bram born!