What it's like trying to find a gestational carrier (“GC”)...

People often ask me...how do you find a gestational carrier?? and how do you figure out who is the best fit??

Well I often compare it to house buying, interviewing for a job, and speed dating, times a million. After all you are trying to find someone to carry your child.  You know how hard it is to find a dog walker you like and trust??  A “baby grower” is about as serious and trusting as you can possibly get.

If you are lucky enough to have a friend or family member offer than that is one less thing you have to worry about, although I would caution anyone to do their research before agreeing to have someone close to you be your GC. There are many stories gone wrong that have torn families and friendships apart. Although there are twice as many wonderful and amazing stories of it making the relationship even closer than before.  

You first have to decide if  you want to work with  an agency or “go indy” meaning work independently. ...

Working with an agency is much like hiring a wedding planner….or maybe a head hunter...or maybe a real estate agent? Anyways they do the grunt work for you…but you certainly pay for it. Their fees can range from $12,000-$30,000. That’s on top of fee you pay the GC herself, and on top of legal fees, and on top of the actual medical IVF costs. So using an agency will cost you conservatively $80,000-$125,000 to get a baby in your arms.  They will find and screen a potential GC for you, negotiate her compensation (its actually not considered compensation, its more “pain and suffering” but that’s another story), and her contract and possibly even coordinate with the IVF clinic on procedures.  There are large and small agencies…good and bad ones. As with the entire process DO YOUR RESEARCH! And ask around, everyone in the surrogacy community has an opinion about everything…you learn that quickly! 

If you choose to go indy you save that $25,000 but you have to put in countless hours of research, planning, screening and emotional stress to find the “perfect” GC. There are online classified ad sites you can post your story and hope ladies who want to become a GC will pick your ad out of the hundreds. There are several facebook groups & online forums that offer support and a safe place to ask questions or even vent. Often there are women in these groups contemplating becoming a GC or who have been a GC before and are looking to match again, so you may find a connection with one of
them.

So you posted an ad, or reply to an ad became active in the facebook groups and you message a potential GC, and then the “dating” begins.

"So I saw your ad to rent your uterus.... tell me a little about it." is generally not how the conversation begins.... it usually starts with stating your requirements for each other. The Intended Parents’ (“IPs”) and their clinic have specific requirements they are looking for in a GC. Those might include: location (some states don’t allow surrogacy), a healthy BMI, number of past pregnancies, type of relationship/contact during pregnancy, health insurance... and the big one: compensation. GC’s have their own requirements for IPs too. Those might include: number of embryos they will allowed to be transferred at once, willing/not willing to do a reduction or termination of the pregnancy, religion, sexual orientation of the IPs…and the big one: compensation.

Great your requirements line up perfectly...that means you’re a match, right? let’s get this baby making started!! 

Not so fast now…. Now that you got the requirements out of the way it’s time to really get to know each other.....

Onto the Courtship phase.

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